Why Couples Cheat? – Why Husbands and Wives Commit Adultery?
Question:
“I thought my husband was sexually satisfied. I have always tried to be a good wife and make sure that I met his needs. I thought we had a good marriage, but I recently found out that he has had an affair [been unfaithful]. What more could I have done to keep him happy and satisfied?”
Answer:
Why do people cheat on their spouse or commit adultery? This is a common question that I receive.
First of all, we must understand that when people cheat, it is seldom really about the offended as much as it is about the offender. In other words, if good looks, money to spare, and physical intimacy were enough to keep a marriage together, then there wouldn’t be any divorce in Hollywood. People commit adultery because a little fire of lust is started within themselves, and, in some way, they start to feed that fire (whether through texting, private cell phone calls, fantasizing, using secret email accounts, et cetera).
It must be understood that lust is like a fire, the more wood you put on it, the more it craves. It is a temptation and a desire that is never satisfied, and, unfortunately, it always ends up in death (James 1:15), either death of the marriage or the victim’s self-esteem or dreams of a picture-perfect marriage. (By the way, this shows you the wisdom of God. Adultery provides a mountain-top experience that always ends in a downhill slide. Marriage, if functioning properly, provides a sustainable happiness and fulfillment that is truly guilt-free.)
We have a few web sites that are solely geared toward people that have been involved with an extra-marital affair. One of the first steps that we must walk people through (especially the victim) is that they need not to feel they are in competition with either an imaginary or actual person that has committed adultery with their spouse. This is due to the fact that, once again, the issue was not about the victim’s weight, looks, attitude, negative behavior, or spirit. In fact, James 1:14 says, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” Translated, no one makes a husband or a wife sin against their spouse. A person sins against their spouse because they chose to fulfill the desires of their body rather than the needs of their counterpart. God said it. That settles it!
Also, most people seem to get their idea of what marriage ought to be from television shows, soap operas (blaaaahhhhhhh), romance novels, and social scenes in college and high school. This is a huge mistake. Why? Well, not only have I noticed that there is seldom music playing in the background when I wake up in the morning, but TV shows rarely show couples having to do life together after they ride into the sunset. That is, they seldom show the wonderful couple having to deal with morning breath, bad hair, budgets, children, dirty diapers, schedules, and job changes together.
Sorry, but life is not a movie. Yes, I love my life, my family, and my marriage, but my problems are rarely solved in 90 minutes, and what movies rarely show you is the day to day grind that you must endure if you are going to prosper in your life and marriage. Remember, you’re not in Heaven yet, and not a one of you married someone as perfect as Jesus Christ. In fact, if the truth be told, if they were as perfect as Jesus when you met them, they would not have picked you as your spouse. They would have looked for someone with far less imperfections.
I feel that many give up on their marriage or step outside of the marital relationship because their life is not living up to the fairy tale idea that they had about marriage. Big mistake! You are spending your life looking for something that does not exist.
Now, do couples have bad ingredients in their relationship that make divorce or adultery a seemingly easier option? I believe so, however, it is still not an excuse. Nevertheless, to help start to replace some of the bad ingredients in your marriage with good ingredients, we would recommend our Audio Cd Series, How to Break the Cycle of Resentment in Your Marriage. We are so excited about the great results that we continually see from couples following our Proven, 2-Step Process. Click Here for ordering info.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
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Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
