What Can I Do to Keep My Husband from Leaving?
Question:
“I just got married, and ever since I have been married, people have done everything in the book to destroy and break up my marriage. My husband and I have been arguing and he acts like he wants to break up with me. He doesn’t want the marriage anymore. I love my husband and I don’t want to loose him. Can you please tell me what to do to keep my husband and my marriage?”
Answer:
First of all, you need to make sure that you are not trying to clamp down on your husband in order to keep him. This will do nothing to help your cause. In fact, the harder you push for him to stay in the marriage, the harder he’ll pull away. It’s just human nature.
A wise woman will work more on making herself more lovable than trying to coerce her husband into loving her. This is key. Be respectful, don’t engage when he engages, and keep in mind that when you give out anger, negativity, bitterness, and sarcastic words, you tend to get those right back. It’s like spitting into the wind. What you give out is what you get back.
Also, why do you want your husband to stay? Is it because you truly love your husband and your home, or have you based your happiness and your self-worth on his treatment of you. No doubt, your desire to keep the marriage is not only noble, but also scriptural, however, you should check up on the “why” behind your “what”. This is because your “why” will determine how and what you do to love your husband.
In other words, are you basing your happiness on your husbands actions? Are you basing your self-worth on his love or lack thereof toward you? No matter how people feel about you or treat you, you are special because of one reason and one reason only, God has deemed you so! In fact, here’s an excerpt from our Christian Anger Management book, Angry Without a Cause (This may be ordered by Clicking Here.):
“As I stated earlier, people tend to believe they are as low and insignificant as they feel when others are angry at them. In fact, only a few resolute individuals with an abnormal amount of resolve are able to endure a gauntlet of ridicule and scorn without being negatively affected. I have written this next section for those with a view of themselves formed in light of the way others have woefully treated them.
When you go shopping, how do you determine the value of a particular item? Obviously, you do this by looking at the price tag. Likewise, every reader must understand that, figuratively speaking, there is a price tag attached to their soul, and written on that tag are the words, “The life of the Son of God.” John 3:16, the most popular verse of the Bible, bears this out. With a receptive heart, read the following verse:
John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that HE GAVE His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
If I was to take a piece of gold and throw it into a mud puddle, would you still want it if I offered it to you? What if I took the same nugget and smashed it against a wall? Would you still be interested in it? Of course, the answer is yes. The reason is very simple, yet entirely applicable to the subject at hand. Whether I throw a piece of gold into mud or smash it against a brick wall, it still maintains its INTRINSIC VALUE. In the same way, no matter how poorly you have been treated by others, in God’s sight, you still have intrinsic value. You can assess that value by looking at the price that God paid to redeem you when Christ died on the cross.
Before I delve any deeper into this section, I have a confession to make. I am not a very secure person, at least, not in and of myself. If the truth be told, not too many people are. Naturally, most struggle with feelings of fear, inferiority, and inadequacy. To compensate for this inner dilemma, most people trust in something to help them deal with their feelings of inadequacy. Sports, money, looks, automobiles, houses, peers, jobs, and male-female relationships are among the top sellers. However, some are also using their children, grandchildren, or even their prominence in religious circles to improve their own sense of worthiness.
I’m so glad that my value does not rely upon any of the things mentioned above. My significance does not rest in my looks, my waistline (it’s a good thing), nor my accomplishments in life. I am not a “somebody” because I have done the same as, or more than, another body. I am only valuable because God has deemed me so!
Romans 12:3 tells us that we are not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought. To violate this principle would be to involve ourselves in what the Bible refers to as pride. On the other hand, I believe that it is also an insult to God’s creativity for one to possess a LESS THAN ACCURATE view of themselves based upon the angry looks and spiteful words of their spouses, parents, siblings, or peers. A person in this position should take some time to realize that their value must not be determined by the actions and attitudes of others, but by the Manufacturer and the Purchaser of their soul.
Supplies must have been low—there is only one of you to go around—and demand must have been high—look at the expensive payment that God made for you—the day Christ died for you. This Divine act of love caused your value to literally “shoot through the roof.” Now it is time for you to “buy in” on the deal and come to grips with the real value of your soul.”
You will find that if you have the right motives, you will have an easier time dealing with the cutting remarks and the snide statements that your husband may or may not make.
Also, we would encourage to you take a look at our short video that talks about our Cd Series called, “How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage”. Click Here for more info..
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
