We Don’t Have Fun in Our Marriage Anymore
Question:
“Between work and the kids, we just don’t seem to enjoy one another like we did when we were first married. Any practial advice for us?”
Answer:
Fun flows when you’re young. It’s just as if it’s in a kid’s DNA to smile and have a great time.
I have five children. They know how to have fun. In fact, even when they are feeling down, it always amazes me how smiling, laughing, and having a good time just have a way of coming to the surface.
However, and this is a big however, after seeing the good, bad, and ugly of marriage, rearing those little ones, financial pressures, unmet goals, failed dreams, and failed relationships, fun stops flowing as naturally as it did when you were young and idealistic.
Now, does this mean that you have to start living like all those “old people” that you made fun of when you were younger? No way. Does this mean that you have to settle for second best in your life and your marriage? Not at all. However, remember, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and what you must learn is that fun after the age of about 35 or 40 takes W-O-R-K.
Translated, you have to work at scheduling fun, date nights, time alone, time away, romantic getaways, et cetera. When it stops flowing, you have to work it in. If you don’t learn this lesson, you’ll slowly morph into what you have always tried so hard not to become – old.
Now, once you make room for fun, it’s amazing how great of a time that you have, but, rest assured, you have to work at it. I find some couples that just sit back and, basically, let life happen. Listen, if you let life happen, life will run you over. That is, not only are we to be diligent about being holy and pure and serving God and others, we are also to be diligent about saying no to the pressures of life and saying yes to rest, relaxation, and, once again, having a great time as a couple (I Timothy 6:17 and Psalm 127:2).
So, stop centering your entire life around making money, running the kids to and fro and yonder, and paying your bills, and schedule some old-fashioned fun with your spouse. You see, if you’re waiting for all of those giddy feelings that you had when you first met to sweep you off your feet and get you going in the right direction, you’ll probably be waiting a long time.
Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.” Notice the order. God does not say, “When your thoughts and your feelings are in line, get in motion.” No. It basically says, get your body in gear and your thoughts and feelings will eventually catch up to your actions. So, regardless of how you feel, get the calendar out and schedule some fun into your marriage!
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Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
