Unhappy Wife Looking for Answers
Question:
“My husband and I were born-again Christians but we fell into a pattern of pre-marital sex for over 5 years before we got married. He kept telling me were married because we were both virgins when we met. He is always angry at me, currently unsuccessful at his career and refuses to go to church even though he reads his bible at home and prays. He refuses to listen or read books about relationships and detests any physical contact that does not result in sex. I am so frustrated because I could have been wiser but now I am so unhappy and even though I know God has forgiven me I still live everyday thinking marrying him was a mistake. I’m praying but I don’t seem to be breaking through like some things need to be set straight. Please help!”
Answer:
First of all, the promises of God concerning your own happiness are not hinged upon your husbands obedience or disobedience to God. Your ultimate source of happiness should come from God alone. In other words, first and foremost, you must stop looking to him for your own happiness, joy, and peace. If, in your mind, you are thinking, “If he would just ‘get on track’ then I will be happy”, this is a mistake. You must find joy in God alone. If not, he will feel the pressure of being your all in all, and that, in and of itself, will cause a certain amount of frustration in your husband.
Secondly, we would enourage you to find what he is doing good and to praise him for that at this time. Now, of course, we would never encourage a woman to stay in an abusive relationship, however, if your husband is not abusing you in any way, nor asking you to do that which is illegal, unethical, or immoral, then I would enourage you to try, as much as possible, to dwell on these aspects of his life.
Your frustration is extremely evident by the tone your question, and this usually has a way of coming out through your tone of voice, the look in your eyes, facial expressions, sighs, coldness in the bedroom, et cetera. If he feels that you are always frustrated at him, this will encourage what we call the cycle of resentment, and we typically find that if a woman will, with an attitude of thankfulness, find what her husband is doing good and praise him for it, she will do much to break her relationship out of that cycle. Though it is not a guarantee, it certainly increases your chances of seeing positive change in your relationship. Mark it down, thankfulness is a huge remedy for many toubled relationships.
You may want to order our Cd series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment in Your Marriage. To do so, Click Here. It further explains my advice to you.
Also, even though you indicate that God has forgiven you, I sense that you feel that God is punishing you for your past sins. This is not the real issue at hand. The real issue at hand is that you are in the same boat as countless other young men and women these days, and, you are going to have to take the lemons that you have and make some lemonade. To dwell on any other truth than that will only depress you even more, and it will only rob you of the energy that you need in this situation. Remember, God took a situation in the Old Testament (David and Bathsheeba) that was ladened with adultery and murder and crowned it with glory (Solomon and his glorious kingdom). God can do the same for you.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
