Separated – Mom (Mother) is Trying to Influence My Marriage
Question:
“Me and my husband were married for 13 months and separated after a series of events pushing us apart (no sexual affairs occurred). He said some hurtful things but he never asked me to leave. I just decided to leave because I felt unwanted. So we have been separated for quite a few months now and we just filed for divorce. But now I don’t think I want the divorce and he has vocalized that he wish we could work it out. It’s just hard for me to decide because other peoples opinions are deferring my judgment (my mom specifically).We have never had marriage counseling. I don’t know what we should do?”
Answer:
First of all, your mother’s time to control (and the key word is control) your happiness is over. She may have good motives, however, if she is putting any type of pressure (and the key word is pressure) on you to move this way or that way, then she is out of bounds. A mother or father of adult children may encourage, advise, or lend all assistance, but it is never their job to push, prod, or pull. Once again, it’s off-limits and unscriptural. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Translated, when you leave your home and enter into the realm of marriage, you are to cut the emotional strings from your mother and father and tie them to your husband. If you are tempted to give heed to the pressure that your mother is giving, then it could be that you have not cut those strings in a way that is necessary.
Also, most couples that contact us are, in some form or fashion, caught up in a cycle of resentment and anger (Watch the video below to see if your relationship is caught in the cycle of resentment and anger.). To be truthful, most couples are extremely compatible, and if they would have started their marriage with the tools that they needed to stay out of the cycle of resentment and anger in a marriage, they would, more than likely, seldom experience major marital issues. All that being said, you and your husband cannot take on the mindset that the way to fix your marital issues is to go back and resolve every issue that caused you to get upset at one another. That’s a recipe for disaster. In fact, it’s extremely important for both of you to agree to walk over the bridges of forgiveness and self-improvement if you are going to fix your marriage problems. That is, you are going to have to look forward instead of behind, agree to put the past behind you and start again, and learn the relationship skills that you need in order to prosper in your relationship.
Our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage may be a good fit for you at this time if you are not able to afford marriage counseling or coaching. Now, private, 1-on-1 counseling or coaching is always the best choice, however, if finances are an issue at this time, then you may want to utilize this resource. In fact, we have put our 2-Step process to fixing your marriage issues in our Audio Cd Series, and the content of the two most important sessions that we have with couples is in the Series. Click Here for more information.
Our textbook cases are with us about five coaching sessions. During these sessions, we walk couples through our 2-Step process, and our goal is for you to “fire” us as quick as possible. Call 1-888-354-2346 for more information.
All in all, get some type of help at this time. You are too emotionally involved with your situation to figure this out on your own. Plus, it’s one thing to want change, it’s another to know what to do first. Use the services of a specialist that deal with this on a day to day basis. You’ll probably save yourself a whole lot of heartache, time, and money.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
