My Wife Caught Me Talking to an Old Girlfriend
Question:
“How can I regain my wife’s trust after I have lied to her? I lied to her about communication with an old girlfriend. I have told her the whole truth but she doesn’t have any trust in me anymore. How can I restore her trust in me?”
Answer:
We often tell people that trust is something that is earned over time. I know this is difficult because we like life’s problems to be fixed overnight. That is, we typically want God to do a quick removing job of our problems when we should be more interested in God doing an improving job on us. In other words, take your anger and your frustration over this matter and allow those feelings of frustration to motivate you to make the changes that you need to make so as to win your wife’s heart back. In our book, Angry Without a Cause, I talk about the fact that, at times, people waste their feelings of anger and frustration when there are times when God wants us to use those very same emotions for good. To check out this Christian Anger Management book, Click Here.
All that being said, I would highly encourage you to make the following changes over a long period of time.
1. Let her know that your cell phone, email accounts, and texting records are an open book to her.
It is extremely helpful for husbands and / or wives in your situation to willingly allow their lives to be an open book in their spouse’s eyes. You see, how does an offended spouse know that their husband or wife has changed unless they are allowed to physically see the changes.
2. Be sure to meet her love needs in a deliberate fashion.
Wives are like a bank account. That is, they tend to work on a withdrawal / deposit basis. You can only withdrawal what you and God are depositing by way of the Holy Spirit and random acts of kindness. In fact, if you withdrawal more than you deposit, guess what? At some point, you are going to get a statement, and, unfortunately, the bank is typically nicer about giving out its statements than our wives.
In our Audio Cd Series, How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, we give the specific steps that husbands and wives need to take to meet the love needs of their spouse. To order, Click Here.
3. Don’t try to tell her how much she should be willing to trust you.
This just does not work. In fact, to use another banking illustration, your bank account of credibility is totally depleted at this point. You should, more than likely, entrust the job of seeing her make the moves that she needs to make to someone else. You may want to cordially suggest that she seek the advice of someone else who will automatically have credibility and authority in her eyes. In fact, at this time, she simply filters all of your words, actions, and deeds through her hurt feelings. That is why no matter what you say, it is like speaking to the wall. Nevertheless, we offer Christian-based marriage and couples coaching to couples all over the globe. To inquire about our services, call 1-888-354-2346.
Let us know if we can be of further assistance. We are always a phone call away.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
