My Husband and I Argue About Sex
Question:
“My husband and I argue about sex a lot. It seems like he’s ready when I’m not and visa versa. Do you have any advice for us from a Christian point of view?”
Answer:
Couples seem to fight and argue about many things, however, the big three are money (finances), sex (physical intimacy), and children. Let me give you a little practical advice about the subject of sex.
First of all, it is sometimes helpful for couples to know that many husbands and wives struggle in this area. Your relationship is not “freakish” or abnormal. Learning to love each other through sex actually is not as natural as some would think. It takes effort and a willingness to understand the differences between men and women.
Secondly, I would greatly encourage you to schedule sex. I know. I know. This does not sound romantic, but this has saved my wife and I many arguments after 10 PM., and I believe it will also work for you.
Many couples go throughout their day with a big question mark hanging over their heads. The question is, “Is tonight the night?”. When this question is answered in the negative by the wife at the end of the day, arguments typically ensue. A schedule, by the way, avoids this entire situation.
The great thing about a schedule? On the “go” days, the wife knows to prepare her mind and spirit and to possibly take a nap. This is important because tiredness can take a woman out of the picture quicker than just about anything. I know that men do not understand this. I know I don’t. I have told my wife that I could be on my death bed and I would probably still want to get one in for the “gipper”.
On the “no” days, the husband knows to temper his passions and he can make the strides that he needs to pace himself. Once again, I know, this does not sound romantic, but it doesn’t sound like your arguments after 10 PM are all that romantic either.
Thirdly, I would like you to understand that true love takes work, and so does sex. In other words, if you are thinking that everything should automatically flow like it does with all the actors on TV, then you may need to remember that they are called actors for a reason. They are just acting. They are not portraying real life. In real life, love takes a certain amount of time to nurture, and it always takes a certain amount of work.
Sex is the strongest passion that God has given to man, and he has willed that we thoroughly enjoy it. Keep learning, working, and, believe it or not, praying, and you might be surprised by how much you excel.
Also, I like to tell couples that intimacy is simply a physical expression of what has been going on all day along between a husband and a wife. In fact, if a woman is not emotionally involved with her husband, she often has a difficult time being physically involved. It could be that some of your sexual woes or problems are a result of some bad ingredients in your marriage. To help replace some of these bad ingredients, you may want to order our Audio Cd Series called “How to Break the Cycle of Resentment in Your Marriage” that features our Proven, 2-Step Process. For ordering info., Click Here.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
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Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
