My Definition of a Great Marriage
My Definition of a Great Marriage – by Christian Marriage / Youth Speaker, Dr. Raymond Force
I enjoy meeting elderly couples that have a great marriage. In the church that I currently pastor, we have a few couples that are in their eighties that have been married for over 60 years. Here are a few of the characteristics that I have noticed:
1. They have given up on trying to perfect one another, but rather, they have learned to laugh at one another, compromise a little, and serve one another despite their differences.
2. They have a power within themselves (the Holy Spirit) that gives them the ability to love and enjoy one another.
3. They serve the Lord together. According to the scriptures, it is impossible for two people to grow closer to Christ and not to one another (I John 1:7).
4. They do not look at their marriage as their primary source of happiness.
I often say that happy singles make happy married people. In reality, the way God has designed marriage to work is that both parties should wake up happy because of the fact that their cup of God’s favor and blessing is running over. The joy and peace that spills out of that cup should be what lands on the other person.
5. They are not afraid to act like little children around one another.
Out of those eighty year old married couples, we have one that still uses terms like “lover” to communicate with each other. It is not uncommon for us to hear the wife saying “lover” to get her husband’s attention while they are at church or out and about doing life together.
One night after church, we overheard her saying to her husband, “Oh what a beautiful night! It’s a night for lovers.”.
Another one of those elderly couples just celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. I would have to say that my heart is touched when she tells me how emotional she gets when her husband picks a handful of flowers for her while checking the mail.
This all leads me to tell you of my definition of a great marriage:
“A great marriage is when two full-grown adults feel vulnerable and safe enough to let the little children within themselves come out and talk and play with one another.”
I have found that most of us are just little children in big people’s bodies. Consequently, the problem in many marriages is that when the husband and wife come out to play and talk with one another, tension soon arises. It is at that point that many husbands and wives tend to grab their marbles and march back into their house and slam the door shut. Conversely, some husbands and wives choose a different rout in that they stay outside, but they quickly get caught up in calling each other names, yelling, and, well, you name it.
Either way, both scenarios are extremely unproductive, and they occur because couples lack the proper relationship skills to ensure a safe and enjoyable atmosphere.
One of the tricky things about marriage is learning to act and talk like full-grown adults so that you feel like having fun together like little children. Though it is a difficult balance, it is nonetheless vital to learn this skill. Our Audio Cd Series, How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in a Marriage, teaches couples how to maintain this delicate balance in a relationship. For more information or to see if your marriage may be in the cycle of resentment and anger, Click Here.
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Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
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Article Written by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
