Is it Wrong for Christians to Get Divorced?
Question:
“I have a wife who constantly tries to tell me what I should do and what I should not do. She continually tries to start arguments whenever I go to church or choir practice. She says that in her opinion that Christians are hypocrites and that anyone who worships with hands raised and has been given the gift of the holy spirit is basically just faking it. She used to go to church before we were married but now that I have gone back, she refuses to go making up any excuse. She constantly looks for things that I may have done wrong or not at all because of some reason and continues to bring them up and attempt to get me upset. I am not allowed to touch her in any way unless she approves first. It seems like every day she finds something to either fuss at me or get me upset over trivial items. She seems to always be looking for ways to irritate me or cause me to be upset. If I come home from work later on nights that I do not have church, then she gets after me and says she knows why I am home early because I am going to church. I leave work basically at the same time every day but some days traffic is heavier. I know that God says that the Christian should not leave but I am at my wits end and surely God did not intend for me to live this way. Please let me know if a divorce is wrong for a Christian or if there are sometimes that a Christian is okay to leave.”
Answer:
I appreciate your question, and I can certainly tell that you are frustrated, but, many times, we are frustrated in relationships because our motives are distorted. That is, I feel from your comments that you are primarily frustrated because you are not getting what you expect out of the relationship. Though this is entirely natural, it is not always beneficial. In other words, is your goal to get what you want out of your wife, or is it to love your wife as Christ loved the church no matter what her response? There is a difference, and that difference will always affect how you feel about your marriage.
You see, when you set as your goal to love your wife no matter how negative she acts, at the end of the day, you can lay your head on your pillow and say, “I’ve done a great job today as a husband, and, even though I haven’t pleased her, I have pleased the Lord.”. However, if you are just concentrating on what she is doing or not doing, then you are just setting yourself up for a great amount of disappointment in your marriage and your life.
I do realize that some will read this and think that if you are not happy, then you should move on, however, this is not what you signed up for when you exchanged marriage vows. You see, you did not say, “I will love you as long as I am getting what I want out of the marriage.”. When you were married, you probably said something to the effect of “I will love you for better or for worse.”. Unfortunately, you are getting the worse end of the deal, but, to be honest, you are the one that chose to make those vows with the wife that you have.
As far as the divorce question is concerned, I do not help people get divorced, I help people stay together. I will say, however, that the only “exit door” that God allows in marriage is in the case of adultery (Matthew 5:32), and if this has not occurred, then I would say that you should not seek out a divorce lawyer.
In this particular case, I would whole-heartedly recommend that you take a look at our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in a Marriage. Though I make no guarantees, I have seen husbands and wives break the cycle of resentment and anger in a marriage, even if only one person is willing to change. For Ordering Information, Click Here.
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Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
