Husband Caught Using Drugs – Can’t Forgive and Forget
Question:
“My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years. About 3 years ago, I caught him using drugs. We have 3 small children and this has affected the whole family. I left him for 3 months when this happened but he swore that he changed. He he didn’t seem to be doing the same things so I went back. Everything was fine for a little while but I suspect he is using again. He says he isn’t, but money is missing and stuff is always coming up gone. I am a Christian woman and believe in prayer. I have been praying about this for a long time, but for some reason I can’t forgive or forget this happened and I doubt everything he tells me. Am I wrong for that? Will I ever be able to trust my husband again?”
Answer:
Trust is like a glass jar. It is much easier to break it than to put it back together. You have a right to be cautious at this point, and just because you are cautious does not mean that you have not forgiven your husband.
Forgiveness does not mean that we lose all sense. In fact, I often say a child abuser can be forgiven by God, but that does not mean that we are going to put him in charge of the nursery at church because he is has made his peace with God.
You may have forgiven your husband, but that does not mean that you should not use your common sense when it comes to putting your trust in him. In fact, he needs accountability at this time. The worst thing you could do is hide your head in the sand in the name of forgiveness.
Also, many people have some faulty views about forgiveness and their memory. In other words, God has the ability to forgive and to forget. We, as human beings, do not. Some people try to wait until they are ready to totally forget about something before they are ready to forgive, but this is not even possible for human beings to do. Unfortunately, memories of past sins will always be filed away in the back of our minds, but God still tells us to forgive in the same way that He does. This is one of the elements of forgiveness that makes forgiveness a difficult issue for us. By the way, I have read the Bible through many times, and God never commands us to forgive and to forget. He is able, and He does forgive and forget, but God only tells us to forgive because he knows that the other is not possible until we have our new bodies and minds in Heaven.
You need to love and forgive your husband, but you may need to do this at a distance until he gets his act together. I would recommend that you seek some state licensed support and / or legal advice as far as that matter is concerned. My only purpose in writing this is to answer your questions about forgiveness.
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Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
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Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
