Husband and Wife – Difficult Time Getting Along
Question:
“Why do my husband and I have such a difficult time getting along?”
Answer:
At one marriage conference that I conducted, a lady spoke up in the back and said something to the effect of “Doesn’t all of this just get back to the golden rule.” I really couldn’t have said it better myself. In fact, I often say that if you take everything that I speak and write about marriage, you could basically sum it up in two words, “Be nice.”.
Why is it, however, that this is not enough for most people? Here’s why:
Naturally, most human beings do not mind being cordial, kind, and, well, nice to others. Matthew 5:46-47 bears this out. Nevertheless, where we tend to struggle as human beings is that we stop being nice when one or more of the following scenarios takes place:
1. The other person is unkind toward us.
2. The other person is acting in an unlovable fashion.
3. The other person has offended us in the past.
4. The other person has not measured up to our expectations in the relationship.
5. We possess but few feelings for the other individual.
6. The other person does not appreciate our love toward them.
7. We are embarrassed to be associated with the other person.
8. No matter how kind we are, the other person does not change their negative behavior.
Now, here’s the problem. We are a people that do not mind loving others AS LONG as we are basicaly getting something out of it. That is, we tend to love others, including our spouse, on a conditional basis. In reality, as long as the other person in the equation does x, y, and z, then we are more than willing to “be nice”. However, when either x, y, or z is left out of the equation, we are tempted to stop loving them as we should, and, to be honest, according to the scriptures, this is not true love, it is a mere business proposition based on selfish motives.
If you have never learned to love your spouse unconditionally then the following is true about your marriage:
1. Your marriage is, in some form or fashion, unstable in that, at some point, your spouse will fail you. Mark it down, your spouse’s fraudulent activity will give you a reason to close your bank account of love, and if you do not learn to love unconditionally, then you will end up in what I call the cycle of resentment and anger. It is because of this that no marriage can thrive without patience and forgiveness.
2. You are not living up to your marriage vows. That little phrase, “for better or for worse”, is speaking of unconditional love.
3. Your marriage in nothing more than a compromise. In other words, if both husband and wife are only willing to give in certain areas so that they can still get what they want, then their motivation to “be nice” is merely based in self-interest.
Our Audio Cd Series, How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger, teaches people how to love their spouse unconditionally and avoid getting caught in a cycle of negativity and bitterness. For Ordering Information, Click Here.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
