Christian Woman Married to a Passive Man
Question: “What kind of help can you give to Christian women that are married to men that are more passive than others?”
Answer:
It seems like many books and seminars on marriage deal with aggressive men that are either too overbearing or self-centered to care for their wives. Although there are many men that fall in this category, there is another type of man that seems to be overlooked in many of our musings on marriage: the passive man.
There are some of you that are married to a man that is not loud, boisterous, talkative, or overbearing. He seldom gets angry, controlling, or harsh, and, though some believe him to be the ideal husband, you just wish he would show a little more passion, creativity, and forthrightness.
I have found that many wives in this case feel more like a mother than a wife, and, consequently, the husband feels more like a child than a husband. Though he may not argue much or fight back, many wives that are married to such a man feel a void in their marriage and in their heart.
So, what are you to do? Here are a few tips:
1. If he says that he will do something, then let him do it or bear the consequences of not doing it himself.
If a wife is always stepping in and rescuing situations, the husband will never learn to follow through. In fact, I often say that if a woman’s hands are always in a situation, then many a man will just leave his hands in his pockets and watch you work.
I often encourage wives to create a vacuum by keeping their hands off the trash that he said he would take out and off the chores that he said he would do. Consequently, in a subtle way, you are giving him the opportunity to fill that vacuum with his own efforts. If not, you will be carrying him as a mother would a child for the rest of his life, and he will never learn to walk on his own two feet.
2. When he does make a decision, understand beforehand that he will never make it WHEN you would have made it and in the SAME WAY that you would have made it. Nevertheless, just be thankful that he is showing some effort to step up and show some leadership. Remember, your way is not necessarily better, it is just different.
3. Understand that although it is a natural desire to ridicule and belittle your husband, this type of talk will be unproductive.
In our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in a Marriage, we talk about the need for women to use their power wisely when it comes to promoting change in their marriage and their husband. In fact, carefully read this quote that is on our Audio Cd Series and in our book on anger called Angry Without a Cause:
“The woman that ridicules her husband by making sarcastic remarks and subtle inferences to his lack of leadership and abilities is not only hurting her husband, but also herself. She is not only ensuring that he will have a tough time rising above her low view of him, but she will also end up DESPISING HIM FOR NOT BEING HALF THE MAN THAT SHE HAS DISCOURAGED HIM TO BE. Deep within, she will struggle with feelings of contempt, since she longs for a man to look up to, but not a man that will look down on her. The problem is that by displaying her inner frustrations toward him, she has become her own archenemy. With her cross looks and her deep sighs, she helps to dig a pit for him that will eventually cause her to become more and more disgusted at his lack of ability to crawl out of it.”
To find out if your marriage is in a cycle of resentment and anger or to order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in a Marriage, Click Here.
Attend our Christian Marriage Retreat / Seminar near Tampa, Florida on Saturday, July 14th, 2012. Click Here for more information.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer Submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
