Am I in a Hopeless Marriage?
Question:
“We have gotten marriage counseling before, but it didn’t seem to work? Is our marriage hopeless?
Answer:
Let me post an article called, “Why Some Couples Do Not Make It.”. It details why some couples receive good marriage counseling or coaching, yet they still have bad results.
As a pastoral care counselor and a marriage coach, I have seen wonderful success stories, but I have also seen couples that decided to “call it quits”. In my opinion, here are a few reasons why some couples have not been able to move forward.
1. They will not stop playing the blame game.
One of my first goals with couples is to get them to stop playing the blame game. Why? In my estimation, the only people that have ever benefited from the blame game are divorce attorneys. Nonetheless, you can continue to play the blame game, but just remember that you are playing a game that will only end in endless overtimes or sudden death to your marriage!
2. They will not love each other unconditionally.
So many of us are willing to love when there is something in it for us, however, part of our 2-Step process is learning to love even when you are not getting what you want out of the marriage. Funny thing is, once I learned to cast my bread upon the waters not expecting anything back, then and only then did I start to get what I really wanted out of the marriage.
3. They fail to close the exit doors.
Some couples agree to trying to get help for their marriage, but they seem to have this attitude: “If this doesn’t work out within a few months, then I’m outta here.”. The problem is, if you have an exit door, then when things get difficult, you will probably use it.
My opinion? Take your marriage vows seriously. At the wedding altar, most of us said, “Till death do us part.”. In other words, whether we realized it or not, when we exchanged wedding vows, we made a covenant before God to work on our marriage without the “parachute” of divorce. To be honest, it is my experience that divorce allows couples to jump out of the plane only to land in a swamp of heartache, guilt, pain, and regret.
4. They think the grass is greener on the other side.
One of my favorite expressions is, “If the grass if always greener on the other side, then you may want to start paying attention to how you are taking care of your own lawn.”.
Also, my dad always said, “You are better with the devil that you know than the devil you have never met.”. Now, he always related this to buying a used vehicle, but I think we can also apply this to marriage in that many women would be surprised to find out how difficult it really is to live with the man next door or the other men at work that they seem to think would be the perfect fit for them. For that matter, many men would also be surprised to find out the high maintenance program that they would have to perform if they actually were able to find a new “make and model”.
Marriage in trouble? I would highly recommend that you take a look at our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage. To find out more about this Cd Series or to see if your marriage may be in the cycle of resentment and anger, Click Here.
Attend our Christian Marriage Retreat / Seminar near Tampa, Florida on Saturday, July 14th, 2012. Click Here for more information.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
