Abusive Husband Changes (Still Having Problems)
Question:
“My wife and I have been together for more then 20 years. Sadly, due to personal problems in my past, I have been abusive in every way possible to my wife. We recently separated and she moved to another state for a few months, but now she is back home and I have changed for the better. However, due to all the heartache and pain I have inflicted on her we are struggling to stay together . . . WHAT CAN WE DO TO SOME HOW MOVE AWAY FROM THE PAST AND GO FORWARD TOGETHER INTO THE FUTURE?”
Answer:
First of all, good job on the honesty factor. This is of utmost importance. Many times, I will hear a husband or wife apologize like this:
“I know I’m not perfect, but he / she is always . . .”
The first sign of true repentance is taking total responsibility for one’s own actions without casting any blame on others.
Also, it is great that you are back together, but there is obviously a problem with this scenario. Other than your confession, many of the bad ingredients that caused your marriage to blow up are still present, and until you replace the bad ingredients with good ingredients, you are going to continue to have problems.
I say this because many people think that passion and “want-to” are enough to make a marriage work. These two elements are key, however, without character and “true love”, most relationships are just a disaster waiting to happen. I call them “time bombs” just waiting to go off.
At this point, you both need some outside help. This, by the way, is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. Remember, pride is always a weakness, whereas humility is always a strength.
Our ministry offers Christian-based, marriage coaching, however, it is fee for service. If you cannot afford our service, you may want to order our Audio Cd series on Breaking the Cycle of Resentment in Your Marriage. It contains much of the content that our initial two coaching sessions contain. Our Audio Cd series featuring our Proven, 2-Step Process can be ordered by Clicking Here.
Also, you cannot expect your wife to totally change overnight. In fact, many times, when a husband makes a complete 180 degree turn, the wife is responsive, but only to a point. You see, she typically has a giant question mark in the back of her mind. The question that her subconcious is asking is, “Is this all for real?”, “Has he really changed?”, or “How long will this last?”. Keep in mind, the formula for rebuilding trust is Change / Time. We don’t mind the change, it’s the time factor that we have a difficult time with.
I would also like to say that the bridge to a better and more intimate relationship with one another will have to include a “plank of forgiveness” for both you and your wife. You may want to check out the rest of our sight for questions and answers about forgiveness.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
Answer submitted by Christian Marriage Speaker and Coach, Dr. Raymond Force
